Wednesday, April 23, 2014 – Homeward Bound – trainspottingChicago





Happy Birthday!

The Bard is 450 years old. Wrigley Field is 100 years old. And my dear friend PN is radiant on her birthday today.

I also have to conduct a grade school, non competitive science  fair. I am the school PTA Science Guy. This is my only real direct participation with the school, except for those times I have an early day from work and can volunteer in my children’s classroom.

A strange and diverse group of commuters this afternoon. Chris Farley and Meatloaf are sitting one seat over, discussing employment opportunities. Evidently a third fellow, we’ll call him Bill, used a headhunter service to try to get an in on a position at the firm they both work for. He did not. Evidently Bill holds out foe the best thing and sticks around too long where he’s at. Now they are talking about another person, a woman named Jane, who swears like a sailor. They gossip about how Jane needs to be fed Kool Aid or something. They gossip worse than teenagers on a Tumblr binge. The Rosencrans and Guildenstern of this comedic tragedy.

Union Soldier deserter is here. The bespectacled, long bearded neon shirted hipster is chewing  organically raised beef jerky while binge watching “Real Housewives of Austin, TX”. He looks concerned, either because he cannot understand the twang of the Texas drawl, or he can understand it perfectly and this realization bothers him. The King Lear of the set.

Three seats back and in the aisle seat is David Alan Grier. The comedic genius and character actor is dressed in modern Snoop Dogg chic, with a tight ski cap, comfortable spring jacket (with hoodie), and wrap-around glasses. His goatee is perfectly trimmed. He is a standout of modern fashion in a car full of blue jeans and hand me down outerwear. The obvious Othello of the group.

Also here are a group of desi IT staff (oracles), Polonius, Ophelia, and Iago. All are armed.

You are both lovely.

Happy Bardday. Safe travels.

Wednesday, April 23, 2014 – Inbound – trainspottingChicago


A pleasant morning to you.

Verily, I hath but missed the previous transport by a mere shake of a lambs tail, lest I would discourse from the rear carriage of the previous conveyance. Instead, my journey officially began thus at betwixt the seven o’clock hour.

Countrymen and gentlewomen! Tis been four and a half centuries since the birth of the Bard on this fateful day in the year of our lord fifteen hundred sixty four. I shall make poor sport of documenting my pedantic observations thus, with fluent and flourish, in the spirit of his linguistic cunning.

A pleasant, buxom young maiden sits yonder, examining the hillside as the massive transport progresses. Her tresses doth emanate like a fountain or foxtail from the center of the back of her head. What doth the idle mind contemplate, O Beauty Queen? Is the latest dramatis insignifique raging in that post pubescent media-messagable maelstrom of a mind? Our maiden grips her iCrackerBot as a child keeps hold of a favorite pet. What wonders are wandering wistfully where we wish to whisper?

Zounds! It may be but a trick of the light, forsooth, nay, is that a Samantha Bee I see before me? The journeywoman for whom I speak bears a striking resemblance to that broadcasted belle. Definitely a doppleganger, our delightful belle bears a brooch at the base if her neck. Methinks it is but a trinket, yet she caresses it while looking unfocused, a smile flashes briefly across her otherwise unexpressive face. She has lead a good life.

Present here are Benedict, Guildenstern, King Lear and Othello. All are armed.

Huzzah! Exeunt.

Tuesday, April 22, 2014 – Inbound – trainspottingChicago


Good morning.

On the 7:55AM into the City. I woke up later than I wanted to. Also, I’m moving around more slowly than I care to.

For the two of you not on my FB thread, I tore a muscle in my (left) quadriceps, which though not worthy of a cast or wheelchair, is immediately quite a torturous experience. I knew it would get better over time, but my family insisted I see my GP, who for a $25 copay, told me to be more careful and for another $8, go to the pharmacy and purchase a compression wrap/bandage. I thanked him for his insight, got the bandage, and have been healing slowly ever since.

The quiet car is fast becoming my Lake Woebegone. Its crowded today. The Latino mother daughter team from a few weeks ago is here. Both are doing their makeup with the precision and expertise of a Hollywood green room. The daughter has big glass teardrop shaped earrings that could double for WiFi repeater antennas. Mom is wearing a fabulous sleeveless dress, no doubt heading for an all day art gallery opening. Her earrings look like dark red leaves mounted in gold.

Blonde Kathy Bates is here she looks very hip. Her white, Miami Vice like jacket evokes a feeling of retro chic for the train car. She is texting on her hot-pink iCrackerBot as she reads a printout of the list of people she has to fire today because they are costing the Organization too much money, and eating away at profit margins.

Also here are Beau Bridges, Alistair Cooke, Teri Polo and a young Pele. All are armed.

Happy Tuesday. Safe travels.

(Good) Friday, April 18, 2014 – Homeward Bound – trainspottingChicago




Good evening. On the chatty 3:10PM godly express out of the City. A happy if small group of co commuters.

I don’t want to belabor you with the details.

From where I sit, Jane Lynch, Alan Arkin, and Miss Irish-American from the 1982 St. Patrick’s Day festival are chatting in the opposite jump seat. Tall-boy beers all around, a football-commercial brand in a 24oz can. They are chatting all about family and gossip. Nothing we haven’t heard before, or will hear at Easter Sunday events.

Happy Zombie-Prophet Reanimation Day to my Christian friends.

Robert Patrick is asleep just behind the three chatterboxes. I think he’s just reconfiguring his Mach-5 body for this time period. Let him sleep.

Two guys are sitting together two seats from me. The Bill Paxton looking fellow is leaning uncomfortably into Robert DeNero’s (nice nerdy) Scarface’s personal space. Scarface is looking NY way but not at me. Bill Paxton is looking at and talking to, Scarface’s politely smiling profile. Awkward.

Also here are Adrian Brody, Paul Giamatti, Dr. Ruth Westheimer, and a clean cut Don King. All are armed.

Go get your God on. Happiness to you on this High Holy (heh) Weekend.

(Good) Friday, April 18, 2014 – Inbound – trainspottingChicago



Good morning and Good Friday to all.

I’m on the unobservant 7:30AM into the City. Thank God for the Godless. It seems that there are a lot of penitent riders on this train, as these good Christian folk are not here going to work, but instead spending the day contemplating nailing the Messiah. Happiness to my Easterner readership. You two have a good weekend.

The train just left the very very nice town station and is on its way into the City. Judy Baar Topinka, the Comptroller for the State of Illinois, is here. Evidently there is no rest for the political Christian, as she is on her way to look at the stack of unpaid bills the State has amassed, and start praying. Her violently orange-red hair is in a short crop style that looks a lot like a helmet. The front of her hair hangs over her brow. The sunglasses add a mysterious effect to her overall look. She’s wearing a conservative knee-high skirt and black hose or leggings. Very pro-forma.

A young James Woods is here. He is about eight seats back and looking out the window, yet holding up his iCrackerBot a half-an-arm’s distance from his face, glancing for a new text or bit of reply from whomever is on the other end. As he looked away from the device and out the window, he took a few moments to insert the first half – say, midway between the top and middle knuckle – of his left index finger into the clogged recess of his left nostril. He proceeded to rotate the semi-spelunked digit, with a vigorous circular motion, in an aerobic effort to dislodge the boulders of accumulated mucus found within. Satisfied with the results of this phase, and taking a brief moment to examine the cling-ons extricated from his effort, he inserted the prodigious finger, at about the same level, into his right nostril and continued the demolition operations.

Just after this public display of nasal hygiene, the iCrackerBot in his right hand must have presented him with a new request for his input, to which he diligently complied using the index finger of his left hand.

Also here are Lou Reed, Meghyn Kelly, and Anil Kapoor. All are armed.

Happy Easter and Blessed Passover to all.
Have a Good Friday.

Thursday, April 17, 2014 – Homeward Bound – trainspottingChicago




Good afternoon.

It’s nice to type that out.

I’m on the tried and true 3:58PM out of the City. What a fascinating group of people today.

A living embodiment of Henry Hill of “King of the Hill” cartoon fame is here. Rectangular prism of a head. White undershirt pristinely clean, blue jeans, boots, and even a beer are compliment the propane provocateur. He’s reading the now flimsy version of a popular weekly news magazine that has since turned into printed sound bites and weekly news schlock of 150 characters or less. The brownish-blonde hair is visibly receding even as I type letters into the iCrackerBot, as if his hair is like a prairie burn. Good luck with the “Oarloss” cream, Hank.

Peter Jackson is here. The Oscar nominated, self proclaimed Hobbit-stretcher is asleep, just finishing the final CGI touches on the ultra-extended directors cut edition where he finally explains, through the magic of movies and New Zeal, how long it took for Smaug the Maleficent to digest Thorin’s Aunt Threetle, including a documentary like (heh) analysis, hosted by none other than David Attenborough, of the final waste pellet of Aunt Threedle generated by the cavernous digestive tract of the Desolationist of Dale.

In all seriousness, there is an Oriental woman who looks to be in her early fifties from whom I cannot take away my gaze. She is not necessarily pretty or modelesque, but due to the way she did her makeup (or touch up), she looks like a victim of domestic abuse. Her right eye, underneath the socket, looks puffy, though this could be due to allergy season. Her left eye does not look equally inflamed, but just at the cheek bone, there is a rouge mark – from this distance it looks like a bruise. I cannot immediately see a twin for the mark on the right side of her face. She is diminutive, in keeping with the genetics of her ancestors. Her hair is cut boy short, and as if it was done at home and not by a trained professional hairstylist.

Hmph. Perhaps I notice too much detail that I lose myself, and forget that sometimes a bad makeup and hair job is nothing more than a bad makeup and hair job.

Also here are Regina King, Bald Chintee Flea, Escaped Union Soldier, Edward Snowden, Steve Rogers, and Timothy Geithner. All are armed.

Happy Wednesday. Safe travels.

Thursday, April 17, 2014 – Inbound – trainspottingChicago


Good morning.

On the 7:20AM into the City. I feel heavy. I say this because since visiting family and having family visit, I haven’t been keeping up with my diet and exercise regimen. The fault is mine to bear. I must make some quality time to work out. I’m going to purge tonight with a fresh veggies and fruit smoothie after working out.
Don’t let setbacks stray from the goal.

Right. That was a bit self-indulgent, wasn’t it? Enough pity partying.

Teri Polo is here! I’ve missed her. She said hello and gave me a smile before sitting down in front of me in the quiet car jump seat. She’s now asleep. She’s in her customary black jacket, black slacks, which look more like sweatpants, and gym shoes. She just got out of the shower and her hair is all wet. Her purse is a little black number with a brand pattern stitched or embossed into the material.

The passengers from the very very nice town just boarded. The front car and this Quiet Car are quite full. I find this crowd to be more my scene. They woke up early and want to take on the day. Let’s all do this.

Also here are a blindfolded Ashley Judd, Gus Van Zandt, Louis CK, and Bill Nye. All are armed.

Sorry its so short. Feeling frumpy.

Happy Thursday. Safe travels.